I was born in Sweden 1962. One son of four. Our mother is from Estonia, she and her sister was put on a boat in 1944 by their mother, to get away from the ending WWII. They barely made it across the stormy Baltic Sea. Our father is a son of three. He grew up in comfort and safety in Stockholm, Sweden.
My father married my mom. His brother married the sister. Two brothers married two sisters.
My parents have always had the capability of focusing strong on joint tasks.
Together they built two large houses. First a townhouse, later a large villa of more than 150 sqm (1600 Sqf). My father did it all by himself, with the assistance of my mom.
He worked the office during the days, then rode his bicycle to the construction site and worked on the house until sunset.
Rode home, went to bed only to repeat it the next day. Both houses took him more than 2 years each to build. He’s no quitter…
Religion was never a topic in my home. Never.
We had the conflicts every family has. As children of our home we where brought up to become independent. Sometimes too independent. But all in all our parents made the best they could.
At the age of three I walked a forest with my parents. As a clearing between the trees opened up in front of us a roaring sound was heard from above and behind.
Three fighter jets passed over our heads at a little more than the height of the trees.
One by one they banked hard to the left. I was stunned! They where gone in a few seconds, but the sound, the sight of the hard banking planes, it is a memory that is burned into my mind for ever.
From that moment, flying like that was what I wanted to do in life! So when the opportunity came to join the voluntary army forces in my mid teens I applied.
I joined the voluntary branch of the Swedish army. It was exiting to shoot guns, camp in the dark forests. The structured strict military life appealed to me.
A few years after that I did my first attempt to become a fighter jet pilot. Together with others in a group of around 15 youngsters I spent an entire day being tested, from 7am to 5pm. Most guys in the group were dismissed at first brake at nine in the morning. A few more was dismissed at lunchtime. I managed to hang on until 5pm. But, at the end, I failed. Hand/eye coordination wasn’t good enough.
Around 4 years later, after military service, I was offered a second chance. I happily embraced it – and failed again…
As Sweden at the time had a draft system all men had to do military service. I had to choose between Navy (Submarine), Army (Tanks), or the Air force (Fighter Jet mechanic). As a young radar engineer I was selected for the last choice, just as I wanted. If I couldn’t fly’em I sure as hell could fix’em!
During my draft year I got in touch with religion via the field priest and his few services. I found it strange that we, if ever in armed conflict, would pray for victory to the same god as our potential enemies would. But I didn’t bother to think about the contradictions. I moved on.
Fast forward to the very last years of the 1980’s I had become a father of two, moved out from my beloved Stockholm, to boringly small mid-country town of Mora, the host of the largest and longest cross country ski competition in the world, Wasaloppet.
As I became a father in a bad marriage I had abandoned my dreams of a military career. I was young, stupid, immature, and a follower of my wife. A woman who had no dreams in life, no accomplishments, no other future than to live from paycheck to paycheck.
I worked in a factory making US military equipment, telescopic masts. When offered payment to leave, as they needed to downsize after a few years, I embraced the opportunity and started my own little tiny convenient store at the local bus stop center. But before the little shop I had divorced and started a second relationship that within time would give me my third son.
One day an elderly man, a regular customer, approached me and asked for a private meeting. I was politically involved and the local president of the Swedish equivalents to the US DEM. At this private meeting the old man asked if I wanted to become a Freemason. As most people I didn’t know much about them, but a quick internet search made me curious and I accepted.
I have always liked to do things I’ve never done before. I have always embraced challenges. This was clearly one of those opportunities. It was the start of a 20 year long journey I will never forget, nor regret.
The Freemasons is not a secret organization. But it is an organization with secrets.
The Freemasonry taught me what my parents hadn’t, what the Air Force hadn’t, what life itself hadn’t. As a Freemason I grew as a human being, I grew as a man.
The Freemasons makes good men better. I am one of them.
The Freemasonry is an organization based on strong Christian values. But it is not a church. It does not tell what is right or wrong from a religious perspective. It is not providing any dogmas. But it shows what Christianity is and how to live in a Christian society.
As I had my share of troubles in life the freemasonry gave me a safe haven without having the intention of doing so. At the freemasonry I found calm peace when my world outside was a mayhem.
When I began my freemason adventure I had a tiny belief in some kind of deity. Over the years my respect for my own belief grew, but it never grew into something big enough to have a greater impact on me. When life events where unbearable I paid visits to a local church on Sundays just to find some comfort and emotional rest.
As the Freemasons provided such comfort I became more involved. The rituals are secret so I wont tell you about those. But what I can tell is that they involve several people. I was one of them and I enjoyed it a lot. The world and time outside the freemasons became a waiting room to the next visit in the lodge. This was what I wanted and needed, for several years.
From a religious point of view, the freemasonry did make me a bit stronger as the weak believer in God I was: It did make me pray for guidance and advice from time to time. And praying made me feel better but I cannot say I ever saw any divine guidance, nor advice, that mattered in real life. But it taught me how to
become a better man, father, and husband.
I am still a Freemason and I will remain one until the day I die.
In 2008 I was divorced for the second time. Me and my youngest son lived in the best and most expensive apartment I have ever had. After two failing marriages it was clear that marriage was not for me. Been there, done that. Didn’t work out … Fuck it.
My future plans did not involve a relationship. I planned to stay alone for many years to come. Support my son and see him accomplish whatever suited him the best.
Life had other plans for me…
One day a girl found me on Facebook. We started chatting. We soon understood that the likelihood we ever would meet was very small. We enjoyed our conversations a lot. She was in Guatemala, I was in Sweden.
The chats where very long and every day of the week. We both fell in love … over the phone! Damn, what a woman!
An internal conflict with my youngest son made him move back to his mother. My relationship with my two older sons, with my parents and brothers, was scarce. I was alone and had all the freedom I
wanted to do whatever I decided.
In 2009 she visited me for the first time. It was two weeks of excitement and love. In 2010 we decided to get married. The plan was for her to move to Sweden. But as I understood that the impact on her family would be too strong, too big, I moved to Guatemala instead.
I gave away as much possessions as my children and family wanted to have. I sold what I could, and gave the rest to charity. I moved to Guatemala out of concern for my future mother in law and family.
Guatemala is a very religious country, heavily influenced by the Roman Catholic church. As I had some tiny belief coming here I thought this would not be an issue.
Oh boy, was I wrong…!
We read the same Bible, but as a swede from a secular country the Bibles teachings never influences our lives that much.
Swedes are educated and therefore drawn to their own conclusions. As they do, church and religion has very little influence, if any at all, these days. But in Guatemala it influences everything. Nothing escapes the religious impacts here.
It influences the people, the culture, the entire society. It influences law and order, schooling of children, as well as politics. There is literarily nothing that escapes it. The worst part is what it does to people. People become hypocritical liars and narcissists. I have written about it here at my blog.
As the Swede I am I began openly questioning what I saw and learned. It was not appreciated. People got upset, angry, and insulted. So I decided to stay quiet for five years. That would give me time to observe and learn before asking the hard questions again.
During those first five years I worked as an English teacher. First at a language school for adults. Later I accepted the offer to work at a Catholic boy’s school that is under the supervision of Opus Dei. Opus Dei is the hard core right wing branch of the Catholic Church.
My learning curve was steep but fast.
After five years in Guatemala I had lost all of the little faith I had. I did read the Bible in order to figure out what was going on within me. But my readings only sped up the process, because the stories in the Bible does not make sense when adding logic and reason to them.
So I challenged myself by watching video clips on YouTube. Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, George Carlin, Dave Allen, and others. I found them refreshingly educational.
Once you have seen the absurdities of religion it cannot be unseen.
In January 2017 I visited Sweden to get the highest grade at the Freemasons. Entering the building felt like coming home, just as the very first time I did it. The Swedish Freemasons is my second home, still is. But this time it was slightly different. The feeling of Home was more mature, with more facets.
Even though I am now an outspoken atheist I will not leave the Freemasonry. It made so much for me when I needed it the most. Even though I no longer believe in any deity I respect the organization, and what it does in society, far to much to turn my back on it. And the Freemasonry does not obligate anyone to be a religious believer. The only thing we have to confess to is to believe in a higher being.
My higher being has a name. Life.
Life it too short, too beautiful, to waste on imaginary characters that does nothing for us but providing falsehoods.
Life is far more remarkable than any religion or God, far more remarkable than any religious text or scripture. Far more beautiful than any religion ever can be.
I literarily love my life. I love what I have accomplished. I love the fact that I have given life to four beautiful sons who I am the proud father of. Four sons who would not have been here if it wasn’t for me.
During the weeks before my trip to Sweden in January, 2017, I realized how much I had missed photography.
As therapy I had started writing again. When I am in emotional distress I write. It works for me; it makes me better. Writing forces me to gather and structure my thoughts.
At the beginning I wrote about food and health because the food here in Guatemala is like in the US, terrible. But it wasn’t enough.
After my first years of silence my blog took a turn. As I couldn’t speak out about religion I started writing about it. I had to, in order to stay sane in an insane country. But it wasn’t enough.
This religiot culture was driving me nuts!
I had to expand my interests to divert myself from the religious insanity that saturates everything here. Photography forces me to look for the beauty in Guatemala. Photography was the key to keep a sane mind.
So as I came back home to Guatemala I bought the best camera I have ever had. A Nikon D5300. Over the months to come I completed my equipment with the accessories I wanted and now I am all set for a hobby that will last for years.
Guatemala is such a beautiful country. The sceneries nature provides are breathtakingly beautiful. By focusing on this instead of corruption, crime, murders, pollution, bizarre religious stupidities, crumbling infrastructure, and all the other absurdities, I have found an interest that will divert my attention to the good things in Guatemala. I needed it.
Pictures are found at
www.instagram.com/borisekner
My best ones at
www.500px.com/borisekner
I got my first camera at 7, a Kodak Instamatic. Always have had a camera since then. At age 8 or 9 my parents made a dark room for my mom and me. During the last 5-6 years of elementary school I had weekly photo classes.
Some uses photography to document their lives. I do too, to some extent. But my focus in more on the artistic side of it. I want pictures so beautiful that they should displayed on a wall.
As my youngest son Phillip has shown interest in photography I gave him a camera when he turned six this year. So from now on I will take him shooting every once in a while. I look forward to these moments with him.
I didn’t lose faith. I got rid of it, I trew it out the window – and I don’t want it back!
We don’t need religion to be good to one another. We don’t need religion to do what is right in life. We don’t need religion to find beauty in life. We don’t need religion to be strong when life is tough on us. – We need love and appreciation, we need support and hope. And we create it ourselves. No distracting God has anything to do with it.
Life itself is too short to waste on imagination and manmade religious characters.
Far better is to focus on what we have on hand. Life itself.
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